On our park bench,
we reserve our legs
for warming;
in the winter months,
we are moths.
We knit stories
and wear them
for scarves, covering
our pale impetuous lips
when we speak.
Sparks in the air
become our lisps
as the seams of
our waists ravel- old yarn
with a taste of dew-
as moths, our
impervious mouths;
they are similes.
©2007-2009 ~theunbeingdead
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Submitted: October 23, 2007
File Size: 579 bytes
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Comments: 81
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Submitted: October 23, 2007
File Size: 579 bytes
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 81
Favourites & Collections: 84 [who?]
Views
Total: 1,661
Today: 0
Downloads
Total: 6
Today: 0
Thumb
Author's Comments
blerg. . .
that means something
~*~
EDIT: 11/12/07
that means something
~*~
EDIT: 11/12/07
Daily Deviation, 2007-11-18
Ode to Winter? by ~theunbeingdead is 'a simple piece with a simple message, utilizing unique images and themes to describe the feelings of winter.' (Suggested by *xiooua and Featured by `PoeticWar)
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| MIMESIS |
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i am trying to believe
Also, fifth stanza reads a bit off to me, but it's probably only me. I think it may be your use of "air" so close together that makes it read a bit funny.
Other than that, bravo. I dig it. You ended it wonderfully.
i'm glad you enjoyed it (despite its flaws and grammatical errors), and i very much appreciate your input.
It flows even better now.
I love the metaphors and similes, as you quote in your poem.
Lucky you for getting a daily deviation! (I can wish hehe)
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Every action was well-rehearsed...
ImmaBack!
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